Here We Go Again

Last night I got my meds from the mail order pharmacy.

 I only ordered the Menopur and Ovidrel from them this time since I still have enough of the progesterone suppositories to last me for my next two week wait and if it looks like I will need more I can still order those with plenty of time before I run out. The pharmacy I'm using has a quick turnaround time and I get my meds within 2 days of ordering them so I'm not really worried about running out.

Right now I am on day 3 of Femara and on Monday I start Menopur injections. Each vial of Menopur contains 75 IU and my RE has me taking 150 IU daily so that means I have to mix up 2 vials in one syringe. I'll do that for 3 days and go in on Thursday for my monitoring ultrasound. Depending on how well I am responding I'll either trigger with Ovidrel that night or get more Menopur and go back in a day or so to check my follicles again. The good news is that I responded really well last time and that is great because this shit is expensive.

I feel like I'm in limbo right now because I won't have any new information until next week and there really isn't anything more I can do. I can't figure out if waiting to ovulate or the two week wait is worse right now. At least for this next two week wait I'll be back in school and have something to distract me from testing everyday.

Back to Square One

Well my beta test on Friday was negative. I knew it was a possibility that this wouldn't work but getting that phone call was heartbreaking. My RE was very optimistic when I met with him that day and said that everything went perfectly. I responded perfectly to the meds. My lining was perfect. The timing was perfect. My progesterone level was fabulous. M's sperm counts were great. It's amazing how everything can be 'perfect' but still end up here with nothing to show for it. I spent most of the weekend bawling and trying to be a recluse. Of course my daughter was being a total mama's girl so she didn't let me withdraw completely.

I am still pretty devastated but it's time now to pick myself up and move forward. I stopped taking the progesterone and my period showed up on Sunday. After stopping the meds I got hit pretty hard by some severe cramps. It felt like my normal week of cramping built up and hit me all at once.

 

Seriously, chill the fuck out.

Yesterday I went back to the clinic for CD 3 blood work and a baseline ultrasound. I'll be on the same protocol as the last cycle and I'll start the Femara tonight. I'm really on CD 4 today but my clinic isn't counting Sunday as the first day of my period. I'm really not sure why but my guess is because I started late in the afternoon so they're counting the first full day of flow on Monday. Whatever, I'm charting and using OPK's this cycle so if it looks like I might ovulate on my own before my monitoring appointment I'll give them a call so we don't miss my window. Because if we miss this window I'm going to be on a forced break until at least December because with school starting back up I don't have the time to spend 4 hours in a car every week trekking back and forth to Houston for my appointments.

So that's where I am right now. Things will get better but I've been feeling pretty raw lately. I should get the rest of my meds tomorrow and I think seeing that will help me get out of this funk and get myself back on track.

Beta Day!

This is it - today's the day I find out if this IUI worked. I'm hopeful but I know the odds aren't in my favor. When I go to my appointment I'll have a blood draw and then meet with the 'RE to discuss options in the event I am not pregnant. I probably won't get the result  from the blood test until this afternoon so keep your fingers crossed that I get good news!

Testing Out The Trigger

One of medicines in my protocol is a drug called Ovidrel.

It's purpose is to trigger ovulation once my follicles are large enough, usually somewhere in the range of 18-22 mm. I had 3 nice follicles on my monitoring ultrasound of 7/24 so my RE had me trigger at 10pm that evening for an IUI at 9:00 am 7/26. The thing about Ovidrel though is that it will give you a false positive on a pregnancy test. Well, I have to know as soon as possible so I decided to test out the trigger. All that involves is taking a pregnancy test every day (or every other day but really, I have no self control) until you get a negative test. Any positive you get after that is a true positive. It varies from one person to the next on how long it'll take for the trigger to leave your system - the norm seems to be anywhere from 7-10 days after the injection. Here is my progression

As you can see I started testing the morning of my IUI 7/26 and I was getting faint positives until 7/31 and it appears to have cleared my system completely by the following morning. I'm hoping for a real positive any day now. Keep your fingers crossed!

The 'C' Word

Cancer. Lets talk about it some.

I've have not personally had cancer but I have had the unfortunate experience of watching two people very close to me go through treatments.

When I was 14 my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. She was 42 which, from my understanding, is pretty young for a breast cancer diagnosis. I actually know very little about her cancer since my entire family decided I was too young to deal with all the details and they didn't want to worry me. I still hold a fair amount of resentment for that because there were at least two hospitalizations that I didn't even know about until much later. But that's neither here nor there and it's not what I'm writing this post about.

It was incredibly difficult watching my mother going through treatment. I remember the first time I ever saw my mother cry was the day she pulled a clump of hair out after starting chemotherapy. She was a strong woman capable of great emotion but she tried so hard to show us that she would be okay so that we wouldn't worry about her. We knew though that she was struggling some days but most of the time she held her head up and put on a brave face and went about her day. I think it was about a year after the diagnosis that she finished treatment and was announced to be in remission. After that life went back to normal - my brother graduated high school and went off to college and I was a typical annoying teenager.

It wasn't until my third year in college that we discovered that this wasn't over yet. Mom went to a regular check up and it was discovered that the cancer was back and it was worse this time. The cancer was no longer in her breast but had moved and settled into her bones. It was back to chemotherapy and this round seemed to affect her more and less at the same time. She seemed to have less nausea and general ill feeling but more pain and taste changes. I don't know what her chemo regimen was but it definitely took more out of her because the first time I saw her after she began treatment again I was shocked. She had lost a significant amount of weight and I could tell she was hurting more. My mother was never a big woman but she was always a size 6 or 8 and in just a few months she was barely fitting into a size 1 jeans. It was a big difference for her. But she was still Mom and for the next several years she was on one medication or another to try to fight the cancer and relieve pain.

My family hid things well and it wasn't until things got really bad that I even knew there was something serious to worry about. In fact I didn't know she was having any decline in health until after I got back from my honeymoon. When my husband and I got back into the states we called to let everyone know we had a wonderful time and we were on our way home. She sounded a little confused when I talked to her but that wasn't uncommon since one of her medications made her a little bit loopy and it was getting late in the evening. A few days later I got a call from my father saying that she was rapidly declining and was becoming less coherent every day. That weekend my husband and I went home and I was shocked. She could barely walk and slept nearly the entire time we were there. The woman lying in the bed was so different than the mother I had always known that I could scarcely believe it was the same person. It had only been two weeks since I had seen her dancing and having a wonderful time at our wedding. I spent time with my mom and said my goodbyes and that I loved her because I knew this would be the last time I got to see her.

We went back home that Sunday because I had to work and I had no time left to take to stay with her. In fact I was at work when I got the call from my father that she had passed on October 15, 2009. I knew it was coming but I was still devastated and nearly inconsolable for hours. We made the trip back home again for her memorial service that weekend and it was bittersweet. We laughed, we cried, but we did celebrate the life she lived and that's what she wanted us to do. I miss her everyday but knowing she's no longer in pain and she lived a short, but full life gives me some solace. Ultimately she lived the life she wanted and taught me to do the same so I do my best to follow in her footsteps.

This post has ended up being much longer than I anticipated so I think I'll end it here and leave my husband's story for another day. I decided after writing this that I am not going to re-read and make any edits to this post since I think just free-writing shows more of my thoughts than any edits I could make. I apologize now for any spelling and grammatical errors but I hope you can overlook them.

And I know this story is sad but don't cry too much because mom wouldn't have wanted that - she'd want you to learn and live your life to the fullest and never look back.

Let's Get Caught Up

Yesterday I told you that my husband and I are delving into the world of fertility treatments to get pregnant. I figure it'd be a good idea to get everyone caught up on where we are at this point.

Back in June we had our first appointment with our RE and discussed our options. He told us that we have 6 vials of sperm to use and highly recommended IVF since we have so little to use. Since I happened to be on CD1 I was able to get some baseline tests done which included an ultrasound and a blood draw. I don't remember all the tests they were drawing for but I thought that woman was secretly a vampire with the number of vials she pulled out of her drawer (6 in total I think). My ultrasound was mostly normal but my AFC was a little low and I learned that I have some localized adenomyosis.

Adenomyosis (ad-uh-no-my-O-sis) occurs when endometrial tissue, which normally lines the uterus, exists within and grows into the muscular wall of the uterus. (From Mayo Clinic)

 I'm pretty much asymptomatic but I do get some severe cramping right before my period starts and lasts for about a week or so at most. I always just assumed that my cramping was normal and never knew that there was something else going on.

You mean it's not supposed to feel like this guy takes up residence in my uterus every month?

There really isn't anything to do for it but at least I know why I feel like someone is tearing up my insides every month. Other than that my ultrasound didn't show any problems and our RE sees no reason why I wouldn't be able to get pregnant. Woo! Next step was to get a CD 21 blood draw to check my progesterone and then meet back with him to discuss our options.

My husband and I talked at great length about what we could afford to do and how we should proceed. In the end we decided that we simply can't afford to do IVF at this point and our best option is to move forward with an IUI.

Intrauterine insemination (IUI) — a type of artificial insemination — is a procedure for treating infertility. Sperm that have been washed and concentrated are placed directly in your uterus around the time your ovary releases one or more eggs to be fertilized. (From Mayo Clinic)

We decided that we would try two IUI's before regrouping and saving the money to proceed with IVF. After that decision was made we waited for my next CD 1 (July 14) and I had a baseline ultrasound on CD 3 (which conveniently was the same day I had scheduled the follow-up appointment with the RE) and got a whole list of prescriptions. My protocol is as follows:

CD 3 - 7 -   5mg Letrozole (Femara)
CD 8 - 10 - 150 IU Menopur (injection)
CD 11 - Monitoring ultrasound (I had 3 good follicles). Trigger with 250mg Ovidrel
CD 13 - IUI
CD 14 -? Progesterone suppository

Right now I am on CD 18 and have a blood test tomorrow to check my progesterone levels with a beta-HCG pregnancy test on August 9.

So I am right in the middle of the dreaded two week wait and there is nothing more for me to do until my beta test next week. Wish me luck!

Why, hello there...

*peeks head in*

So this thing kind of crashed and burned huh? I've been thinking about blogging (and actually keeping up with it) again as we go through a new journey in our lives. I think a general update is in order before I dive back in because A LOT has happened in the last 2 years.

First things first is that in May of 2011 we welcomed a beautiful baby girl into our lives and she has completely captured our hearts. I'll post a birth story about her and some up to date photos in an upcoming post. She is perfect in every way and I don't know what I'd do without her in our lives.

I also started nursing school and I will graduate this December and take boards probably in January. It is a field of study that I never expected to find myself in but I find I am absolutely loving it. I am very excited to finish school and start a new career.

Last, but certainly not least is that in February of this year we were hit with some rather devastating news. My husband was diagnosed with stage 2 testicular cancer. We were completely blindsided by the news. I'll post a separate blog post about this too, hopefully sometime this week.

Those are the big things that have happened in the time since I stopped posting.

As I mentioned above we are moving forward with a new journey in our lives in that we are trying to conceive our second child! Due to my husband's cancer he had some sperm frozen since many of the treatments used severely diminish his fertility. So that means that we are delving into the world of fertility treatments to conceive and it is a bit overwhelming. My plan is to chronicle our journey here and share some of our day to day lives as we move forward in this process. I look forward to getting back into this blogging thing and hope you enjoy taking this journey with me!