Back to Square One

Well my beta test on Friday was negative. I knew it was a possibility that this wouldn't work but getting that phone call was heartbreaking. My RE was very optimistic when I met with him that day and said that everything went perfectly. I responded perfectly to the meds. My lining was perfect. The timing was perfect. My progesterone level was fabulous. M's sperm counts were great. It's amazing how everything can be 'perfect' but still end up here with nothing to show for it. I spent most of the weekend bawling and trying to be a recluse. Of course my daughter was being a total mama's girl so she didn't let me withdraw completely.

I am still pretty devastated but it's time now to pick myself up and move forward. I stopped taking the progesterone and my period showed up on Sunday. After stopping the meds I got hit pretty hard by some severe cramps. It felt like my normal week of cramping built up and hit me all at once.

 

Seriously, chill the fuck out.

Yesterday I went back to the clinic for CD 3 blood work and a baseline ultrasound. I'll be on the same protocol as the last cycle and I'll start the Femara tonight. I'm really on CD 4 today but my clinic isn't counting Sunday as the first day of my period. I'm really not sure why but my guess is because I started late in the afternoon so they're counting the first full day of flow on Monday. Whatever, I'm charting and using OPK's this cycle so if it looks like I might ovulate on my own before my monitoring appointment I'll give them a call so we don't miss my window. Because if we miss this window I'm going to be on a forced break until at least December because with school starting back up I don't have the time to spend 4 hours in a car every week trekking back and forth to Houston for my appointments.

So that's where I am right now. Things will get better but I've been feeling pretty raw lately. I should get the rest of my meds tomorrow and I think seeing that will help me get out of this funk and get myself back on track.